Happy 60th Grandpa

HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY GRANDPA! We hope that you have a very happy birthday and win big at BINGO!

Because you are the ripe age 60 today, I thought I'd fill you in on how you know you are getting older...

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your back goes out more than you do.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You start video taping daytime game shows.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they've been on your head all the time.
Happy hour is a nap.
You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
You take a metal detector to the beach.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
You don't remember being absentminded.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
You read more and remember less.
You get propositioned by AARP.
You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.
Younger men ask you for advice.
Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
Your medical expenses go up 50%.
A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.
You learn where your prostrate is.
You develop a knack for wearing hats.

Yep...that's you these days!

Happy Birthday!